What family means to me – Jake Graf 

Last month Family Action was lucky enough to have Jake and Hannah Graf join us as part of our LGBT+ History Month Programme to speak about gender, equality and diversity.  Jake and Hannah are arguably the UK’s most visible transgender couple and have been named the most influential LGBTQ power couple by The Guardian, with the Channel 4 documentary ‘Our Baby: A Modern Miracle’ charting their journey toward the birth of their daughter during lockdown.  Following our event Jake kindly agreed to answer a few questions for us about his thoughts on Family and parenthood… Here’s what he said: 

What have been your biggest challenges as a family? 

Being able to start a family, both financially and in terms of finding a surrogate to carry our child, was very difficult and challenging but, through the kindness and support of relatives and the power of community and visibility, we have been incredibly fortunate to have our two beautiful children. Now, the biggest challenge is just raising them the best way we can in a world that is currently a very worrying place. 

What does family mean to you? 

Family means belonging and being part of something bigger than you. For me it has always meant tradition, unique to each family of course, and love and dependability; knowing that you can count on your family and that they can count on you. It has also always meant being a parent, something which I could only ever dream of, and which is now a wonderful reality. 

How has your own childhood influenced you and your family today? 

My childhood was very hard, largely because I never received the understanding and help that would have made all the difference to a young trans person growing up in the 80s and 90s in a world with zero trans representation. The same was true of Hannah’s childhood; having to hide every aspect of her trans identity and fearing what might happen were her family to discover any of it.  Those influences have meant that we are hyper-vigilant with our kids, watching for any signs that they are struggling with something, and that vigilance will in turn hopefully mean that they are never afraid of who they are, of telling us anything, or of living their best, most authentic lives. Hopefully what we have learnt will make us better parents with kids that are much happier than we were! 

What has been the most rewarding thing about being a parent? 

Every day is rewarding. When Millie grabs my face and tells me so earnestly that she loves me, or when either is upset and they make a dash straight for me… that truly makes my heart sing. Also, seeing how kind they are to others makes Hannah and I glow with pride. 

What’s important to your family and how do to you make memories together? 

Family holidays, Saturday mornings in the park, time spent with our parents so that our girls can truly know their grandparents, and the hundreds and thousands of photos and videos that we take to remember every single magical moment…! 

Jake speaks of the worries involved in raising children in the modern world above, and he’s by no means alone. If you’d like to discuss anything raised in this article, or any other issue relating to family life, you can contact our FamilyLine service for Information, support and guidance.